The Quarter Life Crisis

I am now officially 25!

Wow, 75 years to go to 100 years old if I make it! I am glad that I have happily spent my 24 years so far. Well at least, for the most of it. I just thought that.. it has been 25 years already and I have experienced a lot of things in this life that I have never imagined I would, even 5 years ago. 

25 years.

I have learned that nothing in life should ever be taken for granted.

For much of my childhood, I was a spoiled girl. Until I turned seventeen, I often placed my own wants above everything else. Even though I knew my parents were not wealthy, I kept asking for whatever I wanted because they found it hard to say no. I put my friends and my ego before them. I rarely said “I love you.” I disappointed them more times than I would like to admit through my attitude and immaturity.

Then came September 2010—the day my mother passed away.

Like many children, I had always believed my mother would simply always be there. It never crossed my mind that I could lose her so suddenly. I thought there would always be more time: more time to grow up, more time to make things right, more time to apologize at the end of the day. She had always been such a strong person. She had even beaten cancer once before, so I convinced myself she would overcome illness again.

But life does not always follow the plans we make in our minds. Sometimes it changes everything before we are ready.

I would give anything to turn back time.. to see my mother once more, to apologize, and to treat her the way she always deserved to be treated. I wish the younger version of me had understood that no matter how difficult or frustrating things sometimes felt, she was still my mother. She was the woman who gave birth to me, cared for me wholeheartedly, and helped shape the person I am today.

Now that I am a mother myself (of two children, no less) I often reflect on that truth. Motherhood has taught me how deep and unconditional a parent’s love can be. It has also shown me that no matter how much love, effort, and guidance we give our children, they will still grow into their own individuals with their own personalities. They may love us in ways we expect, or in ways we do not. But what I know for certain is that I will always do my best to raise them to become kind and grounded people -- people who care for their loved ones when it matters most, who stand up for others, who value family, and who lead with compassion.

Becoming a mother at this stage of my life has also made me more aware of how fragile everything can feel. I used to move through life more carelessly. Riding a motorbike without a helmet, taking risks without much thought. But after having my first son, even the smallest things, like forgetting to fasten a seatbelt properly, can fill me with worry. The responsibility of protecting someone you love changes the way you see the world.

And then there is another layer of fear: the fear of judgment. Questions like What will people say? or Will they think I am raising my children the wrong way? often creep into a mother’s mind. In today’s world, where opinions are shared instantly through social media and online platforms, judgment has become easier and louder than ever. For many mothers (especially new mothers) that pressure can feel overwhelming.

While some of my friends face their quarter life crisis wondering about whether or not they can pursue their dream career, or which man they should swipe right next on Tinder, or even whether or not they are going to hold their wedding this year or the following year, I am worried about whether or not my next decision will give a good impact for my kids in the future. As simple as: will giving them watermelon on a daily basis make them develop stomach ulcer when they're bigger? 

I read an article on the New York Times about 'motherhood and fear'.  It gave me a sense of comfort and emotional reassurance. I realized that when it comes to raising and teaching my children, I should not be paralyzed by the fear of doing everything perfectly. They are my children, and I know them better than anyone else. I also learned that I should not be overly concerned with what others may say because, as cliché as it sounds, they do not walk in my shoes or live my life—I do.

My children have also become my greatest refuge from negative thoughts and outside opinions. In many ways, they have taught me the meaning of mindfulness.. the ability to be fully present in the moment. When I am with them, I am reminded to focus on what truly matters rather than the noise around me.

At twenty-five, I feel I have already learned many lessons, some of them through difficult experiences. To understand the importance of not taking people for granted, I had to lose my mother. To understand that life does not always unfold according to plan, I became a mother at a young age. To understand that failure is part of growth, I had to face countless disappointments in scholarship applications and university entrance exams. To understand that life moves forward, I had to make peace with things I once struggled to accept.

I truly believe these experiences have done nothing but shape me into a stronger and more mature person with each passing day. I am grateful, even for this season of uncertainty, because I trust that something good will eventually come from it. All I have to do is do my best, and  توكلت على الله 💖